In the past, I have often been in search of a "mentor". The term "mentor" is muddled and confusing, especially depending on who you ask. Most simply, a mentor to me is someone who is successful and respected, innovative and genuinely enjoys what they are doing, and most importantly, they have a work attitute and style that I respect and would like to emulate.
To date, I have had two women in my life who I would consider mentors. Both for extremely short periods of time.
My first mentor, a fund development manager of a women's shelter that I worked for was spunky and hilarious. Her take no prisoners approach to life and business, and her absolute unwillingness to settle for less blew me over. But the biggest impact she had on me was seemingly simple: she told me to go for it. Ask for what I wanted, because I am well spoken and logical, and people will say yes more often than you think. Go ahead with a project in a new way because you can trust yourself to make a good decision. Be yourself, and don't tell yourself you can't, because most simply, you can if you want to. At the end of the four-month summer term with this woman, a new door opened for me: Maybe, despite what other people had said, I would be good in business as a career person. Maybe I am worth betting on. Maybe I'm stronger than I let myself believe. Her confidence in me allowed me to trust in my opinions.
My second mentor was more recent. A young woman with a genuine caring nature, and unbelievable business savvy, she worked with me for about three months before moving to a different position in a different city. Lucky for them, sad for us. One of the most important things that I learned from her is to embrace the community around you. No one is going to be happy all the time, but if you look for the people who are happy and enjoying what you do, you can eventually sway those grumpy people.
And so, when she left, I had no mentor.
But why not? My current manager is accomplished, well-spoken, friendly, and educated. I admire his business acumen, and I believe his leadership style has encouraged me to make strides in my own career that I might not have felt the confidence to do without his support.
Why was I so hesitant to consider him as a mentor? It hit me one day as we were discussing recent TED talks we had seen. I mentioned this video that I had recently watched, but quickly brushed it off saying "Oh it's probably not too interesting for you, it's more geared to women".
I appreciated his response. He said "Why wouldn't it be interesting to me?"
Why had I thought it wouldn't be interesting to him? It is clear through how he treats customers, our contractors and our staff that he genuinely respects people, and that he is open-minded and fair to everyone and their ideas. Whatever my own hesitation was in sharing a quasi-feminist business video with him, it was clear that he was more than comfortable watching and enjoying the video just like I did. It makes no sense, but despite everything I know about him, I simply assumed he wouldn't be interested. And probably by the same token, I didn't consider him to be a mentor because I simply hadn't thought of him to be my new mentor.
Maybe my hesitation about considering him my mentor was because I had never had a male mentor before. Maybe my hesitation was that I should be strong enough in what I had learned from my previous mentors that I should be able to make it on my own.
No, at the end of the day it's this: I was so stubborn and sure that I knew what a mentor should be that I forgot that I am here to learn and improve. From anyone, no matter if they are male or female. I didn't consider him a mentor, because stupidly, my assumptions about business are such that women need women mentors, and men need male mentors. My manager being a male does not mean he is any less qualified to be a leader, just as being female didn't make my other mentors better - they are good mentors and leaders because that is who they are.
So there's that learning curve. I'm here to get better, I'm here to improve. And that is my bottom line. No matter what my assumptions are, no matter what I thought I might have known.
At the end of the day, we all need mentors - people we look up to and respect. People whose everyday actions inform us of new ways to treat others with dignity and respect while achieving our own unique goals. These people challenge us to do our best, and we use their example to excel and affect positive change in our own sphere of influence.
So maybe, just maybe, I've found another mentor.
Whatever that word means.
No comments:
Post a Comment